Essay Revision

Hi,

I have attached the essay and everything that is related to this essay.

Please do the revision based on the professor comment.

Prof comments

The first half of your essay is looking good. I appreciate you introduce the author of the source in that long paragraph about feminism. If you use that author throughout–putting quotes around her words if you use them–you’d want to end with that same in-text citation when you stop using her ideas, too.

So, I already talked about the outside source. The next thing to do is to ensure that your paragraph is organized in a way that flows and really builds toward your point about what these text do as far as giving women a voice in patriarchal oppression.

Your assertions could be refined a bit–one reads, “The second instance …” when it’s not really clear what instance you’re referring to. Are you referring to Fun Home? If so, what feminist principle does it align with? Show characters who both challenge (Alison and Bruce, by virtue of his sexual orientation) and uphold the status quo? (Bruce, by virtue of his adherence to gender roles in his family).
In that same paragraph, you could also provide textual details that illustrate this. The Fun Home sections are overview-y compared to the “Story” sections.

I hope this helps!